-Life Poetry Excerpt: Volume One –

October 2022

______

It is so hard to be gentle 

Gentle on yourself 

Gentle on those around you 

Gentle in words 

Gentle in action 

So many of us are conditioned in life to be the one who delivers harshly,

With the intention that it will teach the ultimate lesson: “life is one tough bitch”

But I needn’t see it that way and neither should you 

The world is a place where forgiveness exists,

Second and third chances are given, 

Opportunity can be self curated 

And love,

Being the sweetest nectar that life can truly offer. 

Do not March through life with open,

Untreated

Unresolved wounds

Carrying trauma eventually manifests itself permanently inside of a person if they do not ever forgive themselves 

And let go of what happened and who hurt you

But never forgetting the altering events that took place after

That eventually landed you hear 

In the words of my pages 

Congratulations 

You too have made it. 

______

My biggest challenge 

My mortal enemy 

My villain 

My dragon keeping me in the tower 

My keeper 

My releaser –

Myself.

It is myself against me when it comes to making the correct choices in my every day.

To have self awareness is a superpower 

But with great power always comes

Great responsibility – 

Consistently 

That is what the definition of responsibility really should be. 

 

I’ve called her Ana

I’ve called it struggling with addiction

I’ve called it repressed trauma –

I’ve written about her darkness that resides in me

She is all of my negative attributes 

Every single moment of unresolved trauma 

Threaded together in chaos and destruction,

Only to be dismantled 

Only to be defeated 

Only to be brought down and deflated 

By my higher self and I.

 

Reader,

If you too have a dualistic side of destruction to you 

Then I congratulate you once more to stepping in the right direction of self reflection 

 

But i warn you, dear reader 

That the battle against yourself to reach your next peak,

To see a new sunrise over the horizon of opportunities in your life,

Will not come all at once

Will not come easily 

And for some, it will not come at all.

 

But those who have their minds attentive to my words – are not eligible for failure. 

Reader, you and I together will be able to overcome the darkness that is inside us both-

We create our own darkness from reactions in uncontrollable and unwanted moments of turmoil. 

If we can create darkness, doesn’t that mean we can also create our own light to recovery? 

 

Be the light for yourself, 

Do not wait and risk wasting away parts and moments of your priceless moments,

Even if it is yourself the one that is holding you back –

You mustn’t apply old mentalities from past experiences that then helped you survive, 

In everyday life.

________

I have come to the beginnings of falling in love with myself 

The feeling of actually loving yourself, 

Is a warmth that starts from inside of your soul

And spreads like the sun throughout each and every nerve. 

 

I wish I could encapsulate this feeling and swallow it every morning. 

 

But then I remember, it is not the destination of which I seek or enjoy the most, 

It is the build,

The drive,

The pull,

The wave,

The motion,

The movement and action 

Of what I will encounter heading before I reach my peaks.

 

Girls my age are cradling their first or second baby,

I am nurturing my dreams in the womb of my heart and the creativity of my brain. 

I have recently come to terms with my own definitions of what I have to do to feel like a fulfilled woman;

I will have offices instead of nurseries 

 I will experiences of my own instead of again through the eyes of my child

But i will, 

Like a parent, 

Persist at nothing to keep my dreams safe, sound, growing and real.

_______

Summertime sadness is not just a song 

It is the feeling when the contentment of simplicity replaces the flash fires of the fast life 

 

I’m distracted by all that i want 

And nothing of what i need

A sly trick of life that makes one feel as though their head grew bored of the clouds and now resides in the stars and milky ways 

 

That is where i am 

 

Within these warm days and long nights 

I find myself 

I’m finding myself

I’m getting to know myself

 

What i like

What I don’t

What i want

Who i want

Where i will go 

What pushes buttons

What triggers reactions

 

What makes me happy

What makes me sad

What makes me excited 

What makes me passionate 

What makes me smile

What serves my soul 

 

A summertime survey as I fade from my twenty fifth year and transcend to 26

There are some days i am smiling, just because i am simply happy to be here

 

As i was getting ready to start my shift at work yesterday 

My mind pulled out a memory of rehab to the forefront projector of my thoughts

 

23 year old me,

Helpless, weak and naïve 

The only source of warmth that would come in from the rehab center would be when the sun was in its highest placement of the day 

And I stood at the barred window to soak up each sunray 

 

I opened my eyes to 25 and heard my breathe be let out

I will never go astray again

For now,

I am no longer afraid to know the ins and outs 

The beauty and chaos

The legendary and the infamous

 

All that complies to make me, me

Getting to love my own company