Perspectives are something I wish, like breathing, came naturally to us. It would make life so much easier; maybe we have grown into to the point where we have come to the most blinding intersection that leads down the dark and dreary road that is, the psychology of the human mind.
I am Harry Potter.
You and him are Voldemort.
This is the order of the Phoenix.
You both come together in one heartless, humanless being.
Combined together made out of too many mistakes and misunderstandings that had lead you two to believe that you were meant for each other.
Harry was right.
I am right.
You both will never find love or friendship.
And I feel sorry for you Sarah.
You ran to fiction as I embraced reality.
I have lived the age that you were when that engagement ring was so falsely-perfectly fitting. Getting engaged in Cinderella’s castle must have been truly magical. You were me, that’s why you still have not faced me.
Infact: late many nights when my mind goes to the Badlands* of 2011, 2012, and 2013.
I was fifteen. Do you remember that?
When twenty-two year old me time travels into those times, I enter through the finger-print smudged sliding glass door. The air is as stuffy and viscos as blood mixed with clorox.
For there was a monster in your bed and a baby in your bed.
Did you know that night that you had come home late to find me in the your bed that he* had given me one of those Mike’s Hard lemonades that you had found hidden in the spare bedroom where I lived with you both.
I remember even he knew that you were taking advantage of the fact that you were resorting back into an infant-like mindset where you saw everything that you thought you wanted and that you worked for- implode.
It made you crazy that your mind was to preoccupied with yourself now looking back-
“Was she really asleep?”
No. I was drunk and recently sucked down like an alcholoic takes his first shot of the day.
I was his second choice of booze when the one who held that responsibility on her finger was falling apart.
What a weak little girl you were, Sarah.
Remember that you were thought you were entitled to that ford fusion because you saved a situation from turning bad to worse?
Looking back, and I being literally the age that you were (22) when you broke up with him- how selfish is that Sarah? Let’s review:
“Not only do I get to ditch the kid who I brought into this mess to begin with, I get to be off the hook from a 32 year old man child that I only love the money of…aaaaaaand a new car?”
I remember when I was that selfish.
It wasn’t that long.
And it took moments to change.
Now of course it was a dick move for him to return that old white Saturn you so wanted to grow out of and not be seen in now that you were free to “finally be yourself.”
If only you had realized that just because you carried the titles, wore the statement jewlery and always wore tank tops to remind every parent and children that was a client at the studio: “Just because I know I have to try twice as hard- here’s another reminder- I have huge tits”.
I know what I am doing.
If you do read this and have made it this far,
Congrats sweetie you think this is hard?
I know one thing, that journal with the squid on it that was kept in
What woman would leave a child to die over and over and over and over over over again?
I find it even more perplexing that I saw my own future in my eyes the night we were celebrating my twenty-first birthday.
I was in black and fishnet when I had written a speech of sobriety in front of a court of jokers,
A pretend king was even by my side as my real one stood aside and left with his beer full.
I remember everything.
Xo, Julia Katherine.
Ps: If anyone picks up this book, just know it has some serious false truths, including the dedication- Magic For Liars had to come from somewhere, right?
Where would an ivy branch grow if the person who was supposed to teach and not touch her, had he not raped her of her roots.
I remember the night Hutches looked me straight in the face under the studios outside lights, trying to look as scary as she could,little did she want to get in trouble for, her fiance was molesting me. Little did she know, I read her diary. Hutches now knows there is a safe way to fuck and take care of herself a little bit better.
This is my TATTOO. Caught you Hutches, you have been doing the same thing he was and it is such a waste of a writer to see you hide behind fiction. Don’t believe me? Go waste your time and Google Search; Magic For Liars.
The book cover was a nice shout out, little miss Sarah. You are the magical liar.
Xo, Julia Katherine