Heartbreak, heartache, whatever you want to call it, it’s an unpleasant life quake. But, it happens to almost all of us. Recently, I had just undergone the grieving period of removing affectionate feelings away from someone who I used to look at and see beauty; now I just see pathetic. In my case, I never fully explained to the other person just how I felt. Except in probably one of the best poems I have ever written, that was given to him on Christmas. But he’s a smart one; I’m sure he could just tell by the way I used to look at him.
In my journey to get back to me, I decided to write down the things that helped me find myself again. And hopefully, these tips can help you, my dear readers, to mend from the gravel grasp of heartbreak.
Play Those Sad Songs. You need to let it out.
We all have our favorite sad songs that sing lyrics you wish you could scream in that assholes face. I found myself avoiding sad songs on my playlist, for I hated the thought that the tears I would shed, would be over a shithead. But, one day, I pulled into my driveway. I decided that this was the day I would let those songs play. And I did. The tears following were gruesome. I feel as though the realist tears that fall are the most cleansing. It is scary crying alone. But crying is scientifically proven to make you feel better; it’s a release. So, put on whatever is on your sad girl playlist, grab a pillow, find your comfort place; you’ll feel so much better the following day.
Here’s a list of my personal favorites:
River- Ed Sheeran, Eminem
Crowded Places- Banks
Medicine, Youth- Daughter
Fly Away; Mama Always Told Me- G- Eazy
2. Make Yourself or Your Space Over
This has to be one of the most important tips I could give. For after I separated ways with my lover, I hated going into my room, more than ever before. I couldn’t comfortably sleep without wanting to cry myself there, knowing that he was the last one to lie there in my body. Besides my bed, I would look around and see all the places within my white walled room- where we would crack beers and smiles. But I also saw the last time we were in my room together; it was so god damn vile. I just got my beautiful natural hair color back, so I wasn’t interested in coloring my hair. So, I did the next best thing. I went to IKEA. Picked up new furniture, new sheets, and comforter, untouched by any boy. I now find myself sleeping so much more peacefully. I also advise doing this with the mentality that it’s for YOU.
3. Get Out Of Your University Sweatshirt and Grab Some Heels
Ladies, I can’t tell you imperative this is. A symptom of depression is a lack of care in hygiene. And no, I didn’t go four days without showering. But I found myself just not giving a shit about what I looked like, and I am woman who takes pride in her fashion, but while going through heartbreak- it didn’t matter. I resided in a baggie hoodie I could hide my face in when I felt random tears rushing in. Aren’t those the worst? I’m almost certain that I went through all of my leggings and sweatpants in a matter of days. My friends didn’t even recognize me walking (I always wear heels) at one point. That’s when they realized I was seriously not okay. As much as you can, try to fight the feelings of just wanting a fluffy blanket and a baggie shirt. Get your ass out of bed, take a hot shower and make yourself up. I promise, getting out of bed is the hardest part. You’ll want to do anything you can that doesn’t involve just sitting around binge watching YouTube because let’s be real, videos can’t fully distract yourself from that distaste that was spat hurtfully from him to your face. It doesn’t matter if you have a place to be or not, make yourself up. Massage your own body with lotion, do a face mask. You are relearning how to care for yourself after the X amount of time you spent with that stupid boy. (or girl) This was something that hugely helped me. Now, I’m back to everyone in the halls turning their head as they hear me coming. 🙂
4. Don’t Isolate Yourself
See the title of this next tip? Follow it. Follow it. Follow it. I am notoriously known for locking myself away to the world so that no one can see me cry. Especially over a guy, I just feel so humiliated. But this is why we have friends. I can’t even begin the express how thankful I am for my best friend coming over, even when I had denied her company. I just didn’t want her to have to hear me cry for the same reasons as the why I felt the way I did. But, that’s what best friends are for. Not to mention, if she sees me cry over anyone, let alone a boy who broke me, like a bully breaking another child’s toy; well, I just hope none of my ex’s encounter her. But in all seriousness, we are human. As communal creatures, coming together during times of sadness is part of what builds up back up to who we are. I even found this time to seek comfort in my parents. As much I can, given my personal family life. But even that helped. I am always seen as the bubbly, loud, spunky little Irish lass, which is another reason why I didn’t want to come out of my room unless it was for class. Having people see me so sad, over a breakup? Fucking pathetic. I’ve sat in class with tears streaming down my face from much, much worse. But, it took my best friend to physically drag me out of bed for me to start this tip. I am oh, so, thankful for her.
5. Get Yourself Some Sex Toys
Get your best friend and make a run to the mall. It’s time to get yourself a vibrator. I say this for the girls who find themselves wanting to rebound. I have intimacy issues, so I have never been one to jump to the next one after a breakup. Hell, it took me almost a year to spend more than twenty-minutes with this last one. Or if you miss the good dick, whatever your reason is, get a jackrabbit dildo and let yourself have it. Pleasuring yourself not only gets yourself more in touch with yourself (Ha, masturbating puns) but it’s a healthier way to get over your ex. Rebounding not only looks bad on your part, but it’s also unfair to whoever it would be. Misplacing feelings and projecting is one of the worst things you can do to anyone, in my opinion. Not to mention, your next partner will be more than pleased to see how intuitive you are with your sexuality. A man loves a woman who knows what she wants.
Breaking up sucks. And you can’t force someone to stay with you. No matter how hopeful you once were in the glimmer that could have been with him, it’s gone. Forever? Eh, who knows. But for now, it is time for you to grieve. But grieve with the goal of getting better. For I know it is so easy to live in sorrow for what feels like forever. These were five steps I found that helped me get through the woods in just fourteen days. The truth of the matter is, we are born to die and only have ourselves for eternity. Feel your feelings; they are valid. No matter how many names he called you. Just ask yourself, from those, what did he gain? Just know, it gets better.