Questions and Quotes: Inside the mind of Julia- part one.

By | September 15, 2019

What is the meaning of friendship?

Where are the answers of upon broken relations?

Why must I starve for details?

Why does she starve herself at all?

 

There are addictions in life that will rise you gently and slam you holy. However, there is always the good and bad in the world. Black and white, yin and yang, The Devil and The God.

What would our world be like if there were not so many dead eyes among suburban city dreams?

 

There is an addiction that the idea of love brings. It is not lust; it was the excitement of what the other person could have become. I still wonder if I have been in situations where I was the only one who felt for love, instead of feeling on me. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship and I have been saying this for two years now. 

 

Let the princesses worry about saving themselves for once, for not all of us need a knight in shining silver. For me; I have my own silver to dine off of and I will never be looking in your mother’s china cabinet to find hope in love. 

 

Love comes from the micro pieces of our beings- in my humble opinion. It is the most reality based organic illusion. I have seen love, and I have had it. However, the worst part about catching feelings for anyone, is the fact that we are able to be hurt, or sad.

I have not had a boyfriend who didn’t make me cry from, “words of nothing because they are not of action”.

I either have become used to my tears making oceans on Kate Spade bedding. 

 

The day I found out that panic disorder  is real as well;

Was when I felt a little less human and a lot more robot.

Should we all have to like having a routine or does it just come naturally? 

 

I wonder why the sky is blue while your older brother wishes I wasn’t his heartbreak nightmare come true. 

 

How is it that humans were not meant to fly? 

For when my heart was first gifted it felt like I was on cloud 9.

Minus the drugs this time because even I know when it is time to grow up, even though it can feel as though I am in Neverland.

 

Under the sea is where I can see best.

For the vibrant colors of my neighbors in their little self built coves, 

Will the Crab find his proper shell so that he may go on living, like how the rest of us should think.

 

For some reason, in my class of born humans; we spend so much time on our image. And care way too much about social status. What happened; don’t covet thy neighbor’s wife.

Can I be a wife? Is that too much to ask for in this life?

I remember the whispering winds in the core of the Noma Mountain Tops. 

“You will be such an amazing mother,” he whispered to me in the tones only my father could use for my compliance as a small child. 

Why is it that the, “crazy red head”, couldn’t get over her fear of intimacy. 

However she can destroy herself and run it up like a credit at Macy’s.

One of my best friends told me that there is no use in happiness that is built on credit, 

Only cold, hard cash. And even then, that never repairs the black hole of my heart, versus that black hole that is my closet.

I wonder where I will be in life most days. 

Instead of being focused on the days in front of me.

I wish so bad to fall asleep of calm instead of fear. 

 

I wonder what the boy who contaminated my body goes to sleep with on his mind.

Is it ever me? 

I don’t need you to feel sorry, 

I only hope I am not ever forgotten.

My body was rotting.

Did you know septic shock can happen to a woman after she has a surgical abortion?

No one, not even he, could save me from myself that time in life where I was so, so in love. 

My fingertips finally have regained feeling. I flow more than I fight. Did you know regaining strength takes all your might? 

 

I cannot believe eyes still wander into the places I wanted to promise only to you.

The tears that stream down my face my hurt but at least I am cleansing your laugh out of my memory. How can you ask me to let go when I was the one who took control away from you? 

 

More later,

Julia Posz

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