The Virtual Diary Entries: Poetic by Posz

By | July 12, 2019

Thank You, Mister Allen Turner.

 

I finally understand you a little bit better, now.

 

 

One two three

 

1 2 3

 

O n e 

T w o 

T h r e e 

 

(and breathe again because being molested is almost as painful as the heartbreak caused by men)

 

Has any other female ever found stimulation from unfolding in hot water?

We were all female inside before the tail decided to become another head in the front for those called Male, 

That is not human 

Are we even thinking about humanism anymore, or only the war of labels?

 

I will never understand how we are all the same inside, 

But we all carry the theme of war because of what we choose to show, wear, look-like

On the outside.

  • Humanity has never made sense to me. 
  • That is why i study, philo <3 
  • Julia katherine moyer posz here as THE third eye for all to see in collective scattered; colorly. 

 

Has anyone else ever felt the sting from salt- after throwing up every color liquid that one’s body could cleanse out or produce?

Or, is it just me. 

 

Have you ever….

 

Skied on the whitest mountain top you could find, 

Being pure takes time and 

Being kind. 

 

Who has that kind of time in their hands when you could have a bag, 

 

Just like that. 

 

In a snap. 

 

Clapclapclapcalp

 

WHACK 

WHACK 

WHIp 

Whack. 

 

Ouch, another headache is upon me. 

I hate then almost as much as some do, the army. 

 

(not a hate on the army i love what they do and wish i could be that kind of brave, i hide behind a screen and play with words instead) 

 

After a drop. 

 

Before the drip…drip…

 

DRIP. 

 

Then all I catch are zzzzz’s 

 

As the sun rises and every one else does and I the lioness, 

 

Goes to attempt her much needed rest. 

 

While I watch the sunset and hear the moon rise and the buzzing of nature’s honey bee’s in the summers of the Bay Area come to a rare cooling point. 

 

I have always loved when my best friend that lives five minutes away would come take all my pain away. 

 

She is the most beautiful thing I have ever had the…pleasure, 

Of getting to know. 

What a privilege to see how a true princess thrives.

It is more of a thrill than it is a ride. 

 

The normal biochemistry of what science considereds (lol) to be “normal”-

 

I currently believe that scientists ARE SOME OF the most inhumane upon us. 

 

For they boast and joust and attempt to fuck the villiage women upon returning for university-

 

“For science!” 

 

____________________

 

 

What is unfortunate to see is how conditioned she and everyone else is around her, royal high-ness. 

 

Love is the most painful drug that is out there. 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcomed to the Beautiful and Damned, Book Version:

 

I am ready to let this all go onto paper. 

 

So that my little soul my attempt to rest for the first time in twenty-two years. 

 

I am human, is such an even possible. 

 

Words are the blue mist I have divided myself into a trillion times over for lifetimes of memory for which I may see with the symbolic eye on my neck. 

 

I believe that this is the life time that will put my Anna Karenina train-wreck, 

 

Soul

 

To 

 

Peace, 

 

Instead of rest. 

 

It’s a constant contest I seem to dance my royal self into

 

Overovoerovoervoerovoeroverovoer 

 

One two three, 

 

One two three, 

 

Again. 

 

No wonder Salem Trail 3,

 

Fly far away from me;

never wanted to wander with me. 

 

I am tragic. 

And beautiful. 

I am a book. 

I am a movie. 

A smile in a polar mother fucking pictures that are now somewhere three thousand miles in another small town boy who could not handle to city girl he always saw on T.V. 

Hands on a keyboard. 

 

Nothing about that is…bad, right? 

 

He didn’t want another sandy lot to have to sweep up with his PH.d earnings. 

 

I’m tired of seeing adios fates in glasses and blue mists that are only meant for dreams of my own that i am so scared of, 

 

However, 

 

I always want to get high high high. 

 

Here is some basic biospsych of Ms. Julia Katherine;

 

  1. She has been the brave princess since birth. you are living in quite the lap of silver when your parents are aware you struggle with drug use and so does the entire internet because- guilt can quite literally sink you thin or eat you alive. 

I never wanted to become either of my mothers so I sought out to find one that I felt I truly belonged too. Voices that could sooth me because I never understood the latch thing, only leech. Adoption. Abortion….let me see what other “A”s of life I have accomplished. Because truly the worst guilt is victims guilt. 

 

Hi, 

 

I’m Julia Katherine Moyer Posz, 

 

And I am a battered woman. 

 

The most painful thing to say publicly into today’s society and for me personally as a leo soul with a virgo logic, it’s crazy upstairs in my little house full of books and smarts. 

 

I have always loved the spot light and how the “universe” has always been able to be amazing. <3 

 

As TRUE FAN GIRL FOR EVERYONE, 

 

It is hard to be the one to have…always understood monotones better than anything else. 

 

All my love, 

 

 

Why is that I am not the only woman who has felt as though she is the one that falls asleep better in bed braided into, her hair. 

 

However, she sleeps “sounder”; knowing that she is braided by herself instead of by another person. 

 

Is this the vuner(ability) again? 

 

Hi, 

 

My name is julia katherine moyer posz, 

 

And i am in Recovery. 

Bevy was the one to escape Pennywise with her losers club too, and so did I.

however the street names will always be what I remember as when I first started to find myself and I was cast out to sea once more because I was so so so so so blind.

 

be in touch with your bodies, ladies.

I listened to mine.

 

Tell me why I wished to write for the stars and got everything i wanted and more?

 

-grateful. 

 

mirror , mirror on the wall, 

 

Whom is the most fairest lady of them all?

 

  • Julia katherine Moyer Posz. 

 

You’re criminal catwoman in action. 

 

Today is June 21, 2019

 

Today is five months with the man in my life,

Who i want my forever home to be with. 

 

However, my Leviathan’s come back to me every time that thing called love, tries to secrete itself back into my lonely life. 

 

Leviathan’s lie more than people question the color and why it is always blue,  

In the sky. 

 

Lioness

Lion

 

Lonely

Love 

 

Was I always meant to be cherished and e v e r y o n e saw that-

Before i did?

Before I even got a chance?

 

I hate finding myself in screens and books, 

Pictures and their frames. 

 

Sometimes, i will even write my own name. 

 

Just to remind whomever, that, that was my belongings. 

 

Me, myself and all my leo flame roar in every relationship that comes into my realm. 

 

Sleeping Beauty becomes alive as she swallows her pink, rose scented pills down the yellow-brick-rabbit-black-hole. 

 

Its okay to stay in that blue mist Ms. Anna warned me about.

Only when the adults say it’s okay.

Oh,,,wait. 

 

  • I am growing up with every sun rise and moon set. 
  • Julia katherine moyer posz 

 

Kdgjskdj;ljfsdljksdlkjsd

Jdjdjdjdjdjdjdjjd

Call me stupid call me what ever I wish more than the world tens times over for me to be able to say I love you in person to the woman that has taken the voice, of my mother.

-Halsey Fan 

 

Good morning world. 

I am happy to be apart of something great this beautiful, smoldering, summer day. 

  • Love, a well rested, Julia    

 

My future looked so bright in the hooves of one that wanted to be the magical unicorn, 

However,  magical creatures do not molest children. 

 

Good after noon, world. 

 

How are we doing so far on this hot day?

I know it feels as though my skin can barely breathe, 

Always reminding myself to stay calm in the heat, 

Can make a leo lioness, feel very, very weak. 

 

Meow. 

Roar. 

Flame, 

Soaring. 

<3 

 

Julia katherine moyer posz 

June 23, 2019 

Outside pool area, parents house. <3 

 

Vitamin D is truly needed 

And very, very, underrated. 

 

Physically, and physically. 

 

Sex is fun. 

Sunshine is normal. 

 

We can switch those too, right?

 

Or is it only the wo(man) (working idea)  who should…. <3 

 

A letter to God:

 

Hey there, 

I  know we don’t really talk that much, but the more I got to understand your histories and philosophies, the more I understood why the best people in the entire world are able to be so giving and accepting- just like my parents. 

I will forever love you for blessing my mother the…openness for allowing her to help me through life every day, in her own magical ways. 

 

It is the hardest thing in the entire world going to be knowing the next day that, you wake up with faces that are not sculpted to look like yours. 

 

Sons, hug your mothers, 

 

And daughters, go hug those fathers. 

 

Vise versa. 

 

Because, tiny humans grow up to be big, just like a kitten or a dog-

 

However, the process, and opportunity growth is so much more 1324

 

09:08 P.M

 

I love summer nights in the Bay. 

 

So much exotic excitement makes it way into the setting sky, only for another day to say goodbye. 

 

Why does every day still feel like some sort of lie?

 

I have probably been the most honest I have in my entire life, and with honesty has come everything that one would be jealous of if they were a celebrity. 

 

But I still feel like an 07’ Lindsey in the middle of her Britney. 

 

No one wonder icons were screaming to leave her alone. 

 

Alone. 

 

Wound. 

 

Alone. 

 

Cold, no freezing. 

 

I feel like I will never find a home, only a continue leasing of a mattress, pillow and if I am lucky another’s beating heart. 

 

I had sent out a tweet saying that it was a curse to love everyone, and I have a feeling I was wrong. 

 

Yes, even an author in the hidden hills of her laptop can attempt to explain her own algerythems that send my mind into daily conundrums. 

  • Never a bitch to science, only a mistress to philosophy. 

 

How alluring slid into being for someone’s Ph.d thesis. 

 

I hope you remember WHO taught you how to fear a woman you have done so wrong, and the one that taught you how to write. 

 

Good morning again, world. 

I got up bright and early this morning!

Good things come with a clearer mind. 

However, I will always choose to leave my waters a bit murky, 

Only for the effects of it, of course. 

  • An honest poet, julia. 

 

I love my animals. 

More than myself 

And as my children, 

Forever. 

 

I love sunsets. 

I love how each one of them gives me a glimpse of hope in the sunrise of tomorrow. 

  • A growing up Julia Katherine Moyer Posz 

 

I am convinced that cotton candy came from the same places where we get the idea that pink is for girls and blue is for boys, and that is because yellow rises the difference between colors made out to be…gender. 

 

Color itself is a perception,

Should i repeat that again?

 

Morning Cravings:

  1. Caffeine
  2. Normallicy 
  3. Sex
  4. A steak 
  5. A mental break. 

I wake up every day with a different hunger and I wish it could only be one. 

 

  • Tired but recovering, julia 

 

Has anyone ever woken up and realized how wonderful mornings are?

  • A recovering julia. 

 

Have you ever shed tears due to past mania?

Have you ever felt as though every bad memory in your wound up mind was caused to be bounded so painfully into yourself as a constant reminder that; you think you are not enough?

 

I have tonight. 

 

The medications give me intrusive thoughts. 

And therapy as well as college says: write a book about it. 

 

So, here i am. 

 

Writing a book allllllll about my little feelings and how hugely they impact me and those who surrender themselves and their sanity (most of it) to be loved by me. 

 

It truly does not take much. 

 

Just…kindness. 

 

I hate the fact that I had to put myself into yet another shower so that I could feel even remotely comfortable to cry. 

 

The tears that have been falling from my face lately have tasted and felt so differently than all the rest. 

  • I know what it is like to cry tears from the past in the present moments of today. 

 

I hate the feeling of crying off mascara that didn’t belong to my lashes originally. It makes me feel sososoososososo dirty. 

 

Dirty girl. Dear dirty feeling girl. 

 

When will the clean woman come out to play for everyone? 

We are all…waiting. 

 

  • An exhausted julia 

 

GOOD MORNING world!

 

I FEEL fantastic. 

Mostly because I slept in my own bed for the first time in a fortnight. 

However, a princess always manages to find her crown in center balance, and life does go on in the most beautiful swirls of sunset pinks and blues. 

 

For now, I have an entire day ahead of me. 

 

A new month! 

A new day. 

A new…..me. <3 

 

I love that all of the sadness of June is now behind me. 

 

And all the brightness of July is all I can see. 

 

More later. 

 

I cannot wait to go see my second family tonight on July first. 

I always knew that family is apart of the circle of life, just like Simba’s father taught me as I fell in love with that little lion cub. 

 

I wish i could go back in time and change all of the times i surrendered myself to unwanted flames and unnessary famil(lies). 

 

I cannot believe what life is doing to me these days. 

I just want to be at home and not be alone. 

Is anyone relating yet?

 

Lets talk about….anxiety

Something i was personally in denial about for years because my nervous chatter would classify me as …that person or girl who would talk and talk and talk. Loudly, might i add as well. 

 

Roman holiday …taking choppers to my hair finally! 

 

I hate being cold….

I hate feeling like I cannot crawl up and find warmth. 

 

Why would one ever put their child into a hospital?

 

Why would our government put our young children away in such a heartless place. 

 

When people become numbers and lesser thans due to mental illness is when we become …
Manic. 

 

Fuck. 

That. WORD!

 

Manic this manic that. 

I’m not dealing with this again, I heard my father say to my mother under his breath. 

 

I have hearing like a hawk. 

 

How dare you think you can adopt me into this world that I never asked for and how funny is it that I have a control complex because my creators are dead. 

 

Death is something I have been accustomed too for a long time. 

 

___

 

Adoption is always the best option. 

 

But, it is not an easy contraption. 

 

It can suck you in. 

 

You fall in love all over again with a new person that you have no idea;

 

Of who that little tiny baby will be. 

 

I slept in a basket for the first few weeks of life. 

 

I am tiny, however I am also mighty. 

 

NOT manic. 

 

If I were queen of the world:

 

  1. No boys allowed in the abortion room
  2. Child Molesters get treated like test animals in cosmetics
  3. Child Molesters get a face tattoo altering society what kind of monster they are
  4. Conditioning would not be a thing 
  5. Men should never call a woman manic, it’s a power move only a lonely daddy drips out. 

 

<3

 

I know that one day soon I will be able to stand up again.

 

For now 

 

 

Am

Going 

 

To 

 

F l o w 

 

____

 

This Part Is Called: The Poetry of Relating 

 

Relating/ 

 

Relational

 

Realize

 

R

E

A

L

 

It has already been said once that only some have the imagination for reality. 

 

So that is why sometimes healthier vises come from when we truly give a shit about ourselves. 

For when that is scorned away. 

 

We are left with tender skin that is only subjected

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