It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? The summer sun is starting to set and leaves are preparing themselves to fall from their branches. School sessions have begun and bells for the first period have already rung. I am glad to see my fingers dance across my keyboard once again. It’s the only dancing talent I have ever produced. Some of you over the months of my absence have questioned where and how I was doing. And if I was ever going to return. I would give all positive answers to the caring concerned. I appreciate you, by the way.
To answer the most commonly asked question as to why I abruptly stopped posting has to do the content of my material. I was using my blog to create cryptic personal meanings embedded into each of poems. I’m just intelligent enough to have made it vague enough for the public, to give some kind of ease to the parties they were indeed about. Looking back, I’m not as proud of some of these poems, as I once so angerly was. If I have learned anything is looking back within in the last six month or so of my life, it is that fear and anger are genuinely two of the most damaging emotions that humans can act out. Fear makes you lie, and anger makes for petty false “bravery.”
As many of my readers know, I did experience a break up in early Spring of this year (refer to my piece, How to Heal From Heartbreak in Fourteen Days) Months after I had published that post, I still would try to find my closure at the bottom of a rum bottle. However, some relationships don’t need closure, you just know when its over. The way he left me was alright. I tried one time to argue my defense point. I had the recently had about three months give or take to try simply ask to sit down like adults, and talk. Well, I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be understood about how my feelings were affected. How hurt I was. Though I was also informed at one time that I didn’t deserve either of those opportunities. Readers, let me give you some solid fucking advice, don’t ever let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel. No one knows what its like to be inside your head except you. The concept of emotion is based on empathy and typical symptoms that come along with said emotion that is being expressed.
Truth be told, I was so scared. I had been anchored to the bottom of the sea. Though, I was able to heal myself over time; when I finally took my first breath after being in that dark abyss of depression- I knew that routine and cleanse would be the best two guides. I had to adjust to so many new things in my life, even aside from this one. I believe that time is the best healer of all. For somethings, even if you haven’t processed all of them- as each day goes by, each day are those terrible memories farther away. I hate the jolts in my body that come occasionally from medical exam tables and cheap carpeted floors that were blurred with tears of destruction.
For now my Readers, I will leave you with this,
School is in session and will save me once again. Like it always has.
I listen more and speak less.
I will be attempting to get back into a solid posting routine.
I’m okay, just stronger and wiser from yet another event.