Trauma Teachings

By | February 7, 2018

TRIGGER WARNING: Contains material of sexual abuse

I find my work is enveloped in an essence of darkness.

We all know that any journey ends when the break of dawn seeps through every crack,

Every crevasse,

Light trickles into the iris’s of my eyes-

Sweet lass,

The best part of being broken,

Shattered glass,

Is picking up the pieces.

I list the things I have lost,

From rape.

I list the ways I was hurt,

From rape.

But,

When was the last time I listed the things I gained from rape;

The things that weren’t swept away:

1. My smile

Oh for a while my smile was not was it can be- what it is today, and what it always should be.

But even while wrongfully under you, him and it,

They were never able to rip it,

Which I know put all their stomachs into a pit-

“Who is this creature, that can recreate her tradgies and become a teacher?”.

I’m still smiling.

While all of you are still lying to yourself,

Its cute to think you could put a flame like me on the shelf.

2. My laugh

I spat in a monsters face and laughed maniacally,

Just like him,

You think you can win?

I cant even feel you trying to force your way in.

For this is my body and mind,

Never yours,

And though the first monsters 21 year old fiance was a bore,

Does not mean I became a 32 year old mans whore.

I laugh in the face of danger,

Which only made them all fill with rage and anger.

My laugh is loud, almost as loud as my immaculate strength.

My laugh comes out at all the right times.

Laughing in the faces of my rapists,

Was the greatest.

3. My writing

Tattoo’d boo you think you could patronize me,

Lets quote Moonlight Madness,

“Aren’t you a fighter?”,

Yes, but more importantly,

I’m

A

Survivor.

Turned

Writer.

Now that is danger.

Now don’t get me wrong,

I have made every single mistake that one could ever possibly make,

I’ve taken, cried and lied,

But as time passed by,

I learned that one of the strongest traits, that I want one day for the entire world to relate;

Forgiveness.

Forgive yourself for events that have happened-

It was never my fault that I was hit, chewed up and pinned-

Because in the end,

I’m still able to look back and say,

Thank you,

For those terrible, inspirational days.